I tip toe to the kitchen and I’m greeted by two excited wagging tails (well they’re more like nubs). They look up at me with big doe eyes, place their front paws on my thighs and use me to stretch out their bodies that have been curled up under warm blankets all night. They yawn and stretch and head over to the door.
It doesn’t phase them that I’m hours earlier than usual in my arrival.
I place a small spoonful of coconut oil in my mouth and begin swishing. I turn on the electric kettle and its blue light suddenly reminds my eyes that they haven’t been awake for very long. I fill the single cup French press with fresh ground coffee then head over to the door where two little furry faces are staring at me through foggy glass.
I grab a jar and fill it with water. Coffee is my reward after a large jar of water.
Teeth are brushed, the shades are opened to reveal the darkest outside world that will eventually become the glorious sunrise. Lately my body has been waking early enough to greet the sunrise over coffee each day.
I turn on the Christmas tree lights and with coffee in hand I cozy up in my favorite corner of the couch. I place the heated bag of beans, or is it corn, it smells slightly like popcorn, on my lap and toss the handmade quilt made of my brother’s favorite t-shirts over mySelf. I’m curled up and cozy as my fingers start to dance across the keyboard.
It’s 3 a.m. I must lonely.
Ok, so it’s really 4 a.m. and I don’t feel lonely at all. This actually feels quite glorious. But that song has been stuck in my head since I awoke at 3 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep. After an hour of trying I decided I could make better use of my time if I got up. At some point realizing that if I seize the moment, even in what feels like the middle of the night, I could do so uninterrupted.
It’s amazing how listening to our bodies can be drowned out by the voices in our heads. My body was done with sleep. I have no idea why, but the fact that it wouldn’t succumb to going back to sleep is a pretty good sign that it was done. My head continued to tell me things like, “you’ll pay for this on the other end of the day when you’re falling asleep in your dinner plate” and “but this means you’ll be drinking loads of coffee before the sun even comes up”.
I’m in awe of how my mind constantly tries to override my body. I listen to my body more now than ever, but I often still have to make a conscience effort to do so.
My morning routine hasn’t changed in years. It became a routine once I started to listen to my body. Once I tuned into it I became aware of the fact that I handle my caffeine jolt better after I've flushed my kidneys with 20 ounces of water.
My morning routine begins before I even allow mySelf to rise. I yawn and stretch. Then stretch some more. I reach down behind my knees and gently touch her fur. She makes the sweetest sound to acknowledge me and begins to purr ferociously. As I stroke her soft silky fur I begin to think of all that I’m grateful for.
Morning gratitudes are part of listening to my body and acknowledging my mind. I know once I rise and face all that awaits me in a day that my nervous system will often say no thank you to all of it in the form of anxiety. Taking some time each morning to feel gratitude and stretch and take stock of my body can have a huge impact.
Continuing to acknowledge all that I’m grateful for throughout the day helps to keep anxiety at bay.
Gratitude appears to be somewhat of a theme this time of year. I encourage you to make gratitude part of everything you do. It is absolutely life changing. Even in your darkest hour you have something to be grateful for.
The day we told Brea that my mother passed away we discussed all that we were grateful for. We completely acknowledged our feelings and held space for all that was, but we also knew that even in that dark moment, which felt like hell, we were blessed.
We are blessed. Every moment of every day.
When we are knee deep in our struggles it can become easy to lose sight of our blessings.
Because of this routine that I’ve created for mySelf gratitude is constantly swirling through my heart and my head. In these moments my head is not trying to override my heart or my body.
This morning I am grateful for:
the fact that my sweet little girl believes in all things magic and is beyond excited to go see Santa today
clean drinking water as I think about my brothers and sisters in Standing Rock fighting for safe clean water
my sweet kitty…that she’s still here to make sweet noises and purr…I never take a day with her for granted
the soft sound of peaceful sleep as Brea dreams next to me
a king size bed
the first sip of coffee and all those that will undoubtedly follow today (coffee somehow always makes the list)
warmth as I’m always deeply troubled this time of year by the fact that there are so many humans and furbabies unable to find warmth and shelter
The list is endless really and there will be many pauses throughout the day as I take a deep breath in and exhale gratitude.
It’s 3 a.m. I must be lonely.
(I know you’re singing it now. You’re welcome.)